The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Received

I’m not always good at taking advice. But I did this time, and it changed my life.

In our last post, we made the connection between the American Dream and the high divorce rate. Too often we’re not marrying the person; we’re marrying the idea that this person will make us happy or meet certain needs in our life. And when we discover that our spouse is unable to meet our needs or keep us happy, we split.

But if the primary purpose of marriage isn’t happiness, then what is it?

You don’t get very far in the bible before finding marriage. In just the second chapter of Genesis, we find God saying about Adam, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God found Adam lacking and he created a helper for him.

“Helping” implies “serving.” I cannot help you without serving you.

Do not think that this was condescending to Eve. The Hebrew word for Helper is “Ezer” and it was often used to refer to God himself. Think about it…if you need my help, then obviously I am coming to you out of a place of strength, not out of weakness.

Fast forward about ten thousand years. 

I’m an idealist, a romantic. I had all these false ideas of what love should feel like. So when Beth and I were dating, one of my mentors had his hands full trying to teach me what God really had to say about love and marriage. Using Ephesians 5:25 as his rationale, he would say over and over “Marriage is all about serving, so find someone who is easy to serve.”

If you read Ephesians 5:25, which explains how husbands are supposed to love their wives, you’ll find that it is completely about the husband following Jesus’ example, by serving his wife and laying down his life for her. Nowhere does it say that the husband should demand that the wife meet his needs or make him happy.

Well, I took my mentor’s advice. I married a woman who is incredibly easy to serve. She’s my best friend and I couldn’t imagine life without her.

So if you’re single, focus on finding someone who is easy to serve, because that’s the core of marriage. If you’re already married, then change your focus from “happiness” to “serving.” And strive to become someone who is good at serving and also easy to serve. Not demanding, overbearing, critical, complaining, etc.

A good marriage isn’t rocket science. It’s simply having your focus in the right place.

Committed to your success,

-Wesley

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