Our Secret to Intentional Growth in our Marriage

I’ve heard it said that “if you’re not growing, you’re dying.”

There’s such a temptation with marriage to just check out and go through the motions. If we’re not proactively investing in our marriages they die.

Predictability replaces passion. Boredom takes the place of beauty.

In this post I want to share an easy way that Beth & I intentionally pursue growth in our marriage. It takes less than 30 minutes a week, always gives us something to talk about, and guarantees that we’re focusing on growing our marriage. It’s so simple I’m almost embarrassed to say what it is.

What’s Better Than An Apple A Day?

Easy…a chapter a week!

That’s it. That’s our secret. Rocket science right?

Beth & I choose a book that we want to read together. It can be on a range of topics, but we always keep it focused on things that can strengthen our marriage or our family. It could be spiritual, financial, relational, about health, etc.

Then each week we individually read a chapter from the book. We’ll take some time out during date night, or on one of our walks, and we’ll discuss the chapter and what we learned from it.

The key is to make notes in the margin or in a journal while you’re reading the chapter. If not, you’ll easily forget what stood out to you and won’t have much to say when it’s time to discuss the book.

Keep It Simple

Our lives our busy, so we don’t rush this or overburden ourselves…one chapter a week is enough. The point isn’t to devour 25 books a year, but to simply be intentional about growing in our marriage.

One fun aspect to this is that when we finish a book, we’ll go to the bookstore on our next date night and pick out a new book together.

Don’t like reading? Get an audio version of the book and listen to a chapter on date night as you drive to the restaurant.

Don’t like books? There’s several great DVD teaching series you can watch together.

We’re going to be working on a “Recommended Resources” page soon which will contain some of the books we’ve read through together. Currently we’re reading through “Love & War” by John and Stasi Eldredge.

Passivity will not result in a passionate marriage. But taking initiative and being intentional about investing in your relationship will bear fruit of a long and satisfying marriage.

Committed to your success,


Comments: What books have you read that you would recommend?


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