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9 Reasons Why Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage

I’ll admit it…this post is awkward. It’s also not kid-friendly, so just a heads up.

Let me start by defining the problem. The following collection of statistics was provided by Pure Life Ministries. Their sources are in parenthesis.

  • Pornography is a $57 billion dollar industry (Top Ten Reviews).
  • 50% of Christian men and 20% of Christian women are addicted (ChristiaNet Survey).
  • 68% of divorces involve one party meeting a new partner over the internet, with 56% of divorces involving one party having an obsessive interest in “pornographic websites” (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers).
  • One out of three visitors to adult websites are women (Internet-Filter-Review.com).
  • Of those struggling with sexual addiction under the age of 35, 40% are women (National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families).
  • The largest and fastest growing group of consumers of internet pornography are 12-17 years old, with the average age of exposure being 11 years old (Internet-Filter-Review.com).

Alarming isn’t it?

1 Peter 5:8 says “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour.” There are people out there who claim there’s “no proof” that pornography is harmful. Just listen to interviews with ex-porn stars and porn addicts and the destruction is clear. […]

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Our Secret to Intentional Growth in our Marriage

I’ve heard it said that “if you’re not growing, you’re dying.”

There’s such a temptation with marriage to just check out and go through the motions. If we’re not proactively investing in our marriages they die.

Predictability replaces passion. Boredom takes the place of beauty.

In this post I want to share an easy way that Beth & I intentionally pursue growth in our marriage. It takes less than 30 minutes a week, always gives us something to talk about, and guarantees that we’re focusing on growing our marriage. It’s so simple I’m almost embarrassed to say what it is. […]

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Three Rules To Keeping Your Sanity In Marriage

 

About a year into our marriage, Beth & I both quit our jobs and started working together as insurance adjusters. We did this for several years, and I absolutely LOVED it.

Before the change, our separate jobs naturally created space in our relationship. Eight to nine hours of every working day was spent apart from each other. But a few weeks into to our new careers together we discovered a new need in our marriage that we hadn’t had before:

Alone Time.

At first, we almost felt guilty admitting to each other…”hey, do you mind if I go (fishing, shopping, hang out with the guys/girls, etc) by myself?”

But now, especially with children in the mix, we understand that part of our week’s schedule needs to be a 3-4 hour chunk where Beth can go off by herself somewhere (usually shopping) and I can go spend some alone time as well (usually Barnes & Noble or kayaking).

My goal with this post is to set you free.

It’s OKAY if you need some alone time from your spouse and kids each week. Especially if you’re more introverted than extroverted you may NEED some alone time in order to feel rejuvenated. Here’s three rules to set you up for success. […]

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The Five Rules of Date Night

 “I have a date!”

Remember the rush of emotion when you and your spouse began dating? Remember how “in-love” it felt at the beginning? It turns out that was mostly just a release of chemicals in the brain which inevitably fade. Sadly after several years of marriage most couples just feel bored.

Bring Back That Loving Feeling

I have good news for you.

It is possible to be married for years and still be romantically in love with your spouse. There’s nothing more powerful in achieving this than a consistent date night with your spouse. But you have to follow these five rules. […]

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The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Received

I’m not always good at taking advice. But I did this time, and it changed my life.

In our last post, we made the connection between the American Dream and the high divorce rate. Too often we’re not marrying the person; we’re marrying the idea that this person will make us happy or meet certain needs in our life. And when we discover that our spouse is unable to meet our needs or keep us happy, we split.

But if the primary purpose of marriage isn’t happiness, then what is it?

You don’t get very far in the bible before finding marriage. In just the second chapter of Genesis, we find God saying about Adam, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God found Adam lacking and he created a helper for him.

“Helping” implies “serving.” I cannot help you without serving you.

Do not think that this was condescending to Eve. The Hebrew word for Helper is “Ezer” and it was often used to refer to God himself. Think about it…if you need my help, then obviously I am coming to you out of a place of strength, not out of weakness.

Fast forward about ten thousand years. 

I’m an idealist, a romantic. I had all these false ideas of what love should feel like. So when Beth and I were dating, one of my mentors had his hands full trying to teach me what God really had to say about love and marriage. Using Ephesians 5:25 as his rationale, he would say over and over “Marriage is all about serving, so find someone who is easy to serve.”

If you read Ephesians 5:25, which explains how husbands are supposed to love their wives, you’ll find that it is completely about the husband following Jesus’ example, by serving his wife and laying down his life for her. Nowhere does it say that the husband should demand that the wife meet his needs or make him happy.

Well, I took my mentor’s advice. I married a woman who is incredibly easy to serve. She’s my best friend and I couldn’t imagine life without her.

So if you’re single, focus on finding someone who is easy to serve, because that’s the core of marriage. If you’re already married, then change your focus from “happiness” to “serving.” And strive to become someone who is good at serving and also easy to serve. Not demanding, overbearing, critical, complaining, etc.

A good marriage isn’t rocket science. It’s simply having your focus in the right place.

Committed to your success,

-Wesley

Comments: What do you think of this advice that marriage is all about serving?

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Is the American Dream Causing Divorce?

There’s a hundred different reasons why people divorce, but in a recent business leader’s breakfast the speaker boiled it down to just one: The Pursuit of Happiness.

 

Our Declaration of Independence declares that we are endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.” The right to pursue happiness is in the DNA of every American.

But we live in a different world than the men did who first wrote this declaration. To them, happiness was defined as freedom from tyranny, and freedom to be self-governed. Happiness was NOT defined as an emotion.

How does this relate to divorce?

When the purpose of your life is to pursue happiness, you base all of your decisions on “will this make me happy?” And if we’re honest, we all walked down the aisle thinking that marriage would make us happy, at least to some degree. But marriage also brings its share of pain.

Divorce is inevitable when your core purpose is to pursue happiness and your marriage is causing you pain.

I’m at that age (mid-thirties) where I’m seeing my peers divorce. People I never would have thought would divorce are splitting up, and it breaks my heart. It’s been said that divorce is more painful than death, because with death, you at least get closure. 

It’s interesting to note that the divorce rate increases with each marriage. First marriages have a 50% chance of divorce, second marriages 67%, and third marriages 74%. In other words, the marriage you are in right now has the highest chance of success than any marriage you could ever have.

We have to learn that the purpose of marriage goes way beyond happiness. And for that matter, the purpose of your life goes way beyond happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of living life right.

Committed to your success,

-Wesley

P.S. How have you bought into the belief that life is about pursuing happiness?

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