9 Reasons Why Porn Will Ruin Your Marriage

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I’ll admit it…this post is awkward. It’s also not kid-friendly, so just a heads up.

Let me start by defining the problem. The following collection of statistics was provided by Pure Life Ministries. Their sources are in parenthesis.

  • Pornography is a $57 billion dollar industry (Top Ten Reviews).
  • 50% of Christian men and 20% of Christian women are addicted (ChristiaNet Survey).
  • 68% of divorces involve one party meeting a new partner over the internet, with 56% of divorces involving one party having an obsessive interest in “pornographic websites” (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers).
  • One out of three visitors to adult websites are women (Internet-Filter-Review.com).
  • Of those struggling with sexual addiction under the age of 35, 40% are women (National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families).
  • The largest and fastest growing group of consumers of internet pornography are 12-17 years old, with the average age of exposure being 11 years old (Internet-Filter-Review.com).

Alarming isn’t it?

1 Peter 5:8 says “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour.” There are people out there who claim there’s “no proof” that pornography is harmful. Just listen to interviews with ex-porn stars and porn addicts and the destruction is clear.

How does porn affect a marriage?

First of all, it’s sin. I’m not trying to be a fundamentalist, but we need to call it what it is. I heard a pastor say once that anytime we choose to sin, something dies. Here are nine side-effects of pornography.

1. Porn Breaks Trust. Marriages are built on trust. Ask a woman how she feels when her husband looks at porn and if she’s honest she hates it. She’ll say it feels like he is bringing other women into the relationship. And whether the man likes that or not she’s right. It’s infidelity.

2. Porn Creates Comparisons. You can’t look at images without comparing those images to your spouse. This can lead to ungratefulness, where you focus on what your spouse “isn’t” instead of being thankful for what he/she is.

3. Porn Destroys Self-Esteem. Just ask your spouse how confident they feel being naked in front of you after you’ve looked at pornography and you’ll understand this one.

4. Porn Creates Unreal Expectations. Porn is not reality! It’s a movie created by a director and paid actors who…hate to burst your bubble…are acting! It’s not real! And guess what, most of them hate it. Many of the female actors were coerced into the film industry at a very young age outside of their will. A high number of female actors take drugs to cope with both the physical pain of filming and the emotional pain. The suicide rate is high among both male and female actors.

5. Porn Destroys Intimacy. Porn in a marriage is usually very secretive. The one looking doesn’t want the other spouse to know. The result is a lack of intimacy as one spouse is keeping secrets from the other.

6. Porn Creates Shame. The enemy tempts us to look, and when we do, he tells us what a loser we are for looking. Shame is one of the worst side effects of porn. Because people often look at porn to escape stress or fear, it creates a downward spiral that goes like this. 1. Feel bad about your life. 2. Look at porn to escape. 3. Feel bad about your life for looking at porn. 4. Look at more to escape.

7. Porn is Addictive. Anyone who tells you it isn’t is wrong. Studies show that porn lights up the pleasure center of the brain more than cocaine. It’s powerful and it’s very addictive.

8. Porn Never Satisfies. The porn industry thrives on “customer dissatisfaction.” I heard a podcast explain the difference between sexual addiction and drug addiction. They stated that the drug addict craves “more” but the sexual addict craves “different.” In other words, a heroin addict wants more heroin. But a sex addict doesn’t just want more sex, he wants “different” sex.

The power behind porn is lust. And lust doesn’t crave “prettier” – it craves “different.” It’s why Tiger Woods can be married to a super model and still cheat with numerous other women. It’s not that his wife wasn’t “attractive enough,” it’s just that lust always craves “different.” The deception is that “different” will satisfy you, but of course, once you have what you craved you want something different. It never ends.

9. Porn is Progressively Perverse. Due to its inability to satisfy, pornography always leads one to greater perversity. We hear these horrible stories on the news about acts committed against children, even toddlers, and we try to wrap our minds around how someone could be so warped to do something so sick.

One of Ted Bundy’s final murders was that of a 12 year old girl. The day before he was executed he asked Dr. James Dobson to interview him. What’s incredible about his story is that he states his behavior was rooted in a porn addiction that started when he found soft-core magazines in the trash as a 13 year old boy.

What’s truly frightening is that 13 year old boys today don’t have to look in the trash. They just turn on their phone.

Of course not everyone who looks at a dirty magazine will be a serial killer. But, we have to understand that the path of porn leads to unending perversity. We live in a society where we parade sex all over the media, and then we act surprised at the Jerry Sanduskys of the world.

This is a huge subject, and I know this post gives more of the problem than the solution. The reason we’re even addressing it is because we have a passion for healthy marriages. Being debt free is pointless if your marriage is falling apart.

If you are dealing with pornography you need to get help immediately. You have to take aggressive steps towards uprooting it out of your life and getting freedom. Freedom is possible but it often takes some drastic changes and aggressive accountability.

Here are some recommended resources if you need help:

 Committed to your success,

-Wesley

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